So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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