I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
