is this the sara with the beer cane?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
