I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
