The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
