I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
