hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
