Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
