oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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