y did u give ur computer a hand job?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
