dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want her autograph on my taint
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
