I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
