So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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