she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
