I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
