Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
