I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
