Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
