no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
