he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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