So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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