dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
