I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
