Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
