i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
