i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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