porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
