moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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