i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
