when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
