His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
