party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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