Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
