ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
