I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
