im drinking this country out of the recession.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
