I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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