Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
