The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
