I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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