our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
