Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
