dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
