it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
