now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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