Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
