i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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