I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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