apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im holly from the hills drunk
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
