two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
