I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
